Currently Watching Chappelle's Show - Season 2 By Bill Berner, David Chappelle see related

hey kiddies! thought I would stop by and give a shout out to everyone who may still stop here. Been awhile since life has not let me have time to do anything I really want to do, but summers are like that.

Nothing else is going on in my life. I find myself wondering if I could ever get interested in TV again then I see the Assistant on MTV and think that this is by far one of the greatest "reality tv" farces ever made--even more so than the newest incarnation of Big Brother.

Drop a line and let me know if anyone is still interested in hearing from me.

I know I haven't written in a long time due to a number of reasons I don't want to get in to... it isn't that I have not been writing at all, just not on Xanga.

YOU'RE FIRED!

I will readily admit that even though I am an avowed anti-reality show person, I loved the Apprentice. I don't know what it was about the show but Trump knows what's going on...

A note about the show's finale that has pissed me off to no end. Since Bill was named the apprentice on live TV, I've heard more than just a few people wonder if Bill was picked because he was white and Kwame was black... GIVE ME A BREAK!

Even though Kwame had a better educational background, Bill was WAAAY more qualified to work in the Trump structure. Any claims of racism should be squelched.

The sad thing is, as I listened to some people make mention that they thought that Kwame was screwed it was not uncommon to hear that they thought Kwame would win because he is black!

Now if you excuse me, I must go back to the undercover of my spider hole...

Currently Playing New York Mets: Songs & Sounds That Shake Shea By Various Artists see related

-

JEEEETA! JEEEETA!
A friend of mine, Dramamine, stole my idea and discussed in great length with more wit than I can muster about the Alex Rodriguez trade in baseball. I don't blame him for doing so since I actually enjoyed it so much that it is hard for me to think ill since his posts are funny. But he does bring up something concerning the people who hate the New York Yankees and the belief that this team buys championships.

Let me start by saying I am not a Yankees fan but a New York Mets fan. We are New York's bastard sons that people only pay attention to when the good sons (Yankees) aren't making news or when one gets wrapped up in numerous drug related arrests.
                   

Unlike most Mets fans, I do not hate really hate the Yankees. I am not one of those guys who sit in the bleachers at Shea and heckle poor Yankee fans who happen to be in Queens.

        Real sign in upstate New York during the Subway Series

I guess my lack of hatred for the Yankees comes from the fact that I am not originally from the New York/New Jersey area but I am from the Midwest. We, Midwest Mets fans, aimed more of our hate towards division rivals and not the inter-city mess of New York--the entire Manhatten v. Queens v. Bronx v. Brooklyn v. Long Island was foriegn to us. We still hate the Cubs and Cardinals more than the Yankees.
               
       I think you can buy this at the New York Met's gift shop

With that disclaimer in place, let me say that most of the hatred for the Yankees comes from the fact they (Yankees) are known more for producing results. They have the cash, they spend it and it usually gets them to the World Series... I see nothing wrong with that and as I mentioned earlier, I am jealous of it. The only major mistake they ever made was trading Jay Buhner to the Mariners...
                                 
                       What in the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?

The Yankees are something else... I am more jealous that they are able to win championships and court the right players while we continue to overpay for worthless players. But I am not alone in this even if I do not carry my jealousy to the extremes that some anti-Yankee people do... ahem, Dram!
                     
                    A Yankee fan speaks out against people like Dram!

When the Yankees sign a free agent, no matter the skill level, this player does well... while other teams spend lots of money on players who suck. In the world of business, the Yankees are the ones making the right choices with their investments while the rest are the ones who are still waiting for cans of tuna to go on sale so they can have meat with their dinner because their investment choices bombed faster than most dot.coms.

Anti-Yankees people point how unfair it is that the Yankees get the best players or how much they spend... well, life ain't fair bubba. George knows that you have to spend money wisely to make money while most of the other owners are too busy paying $15 million for some guy who came in second for the MVP voting 5 years ago. The Yankees pick winners and the other teams seem to aim at the also-rans or journey men.
                
                                Costanza, where's my Calzone?

Probably the biggest whiners of the Anti-Yankee groups are those New Englanders taught to love their Bawstan Red Sawx. From the day little New Englanders are born, they are taught to bitch, moan and cry about anything the Yankees do... and they do it perfectly.
             
         I don't think is the proper way to say the Red Sox are number 1

There are songs, poems, stories and even television shows based around the whole Red Sox-Yankee feud, but I respect this rivarly because of the tradition it has and the exciting atmosphere it brings to the game. But I am almost to the point that I want to kick Ben Affleck's ass if I hear him talk about the rivalry one more time. Hey Red Sox fans, can't you pick at least a decent actor to be your spokesman?
                    
          This guy loves losers... Red Sox, J Lo and Matt Damon

Less than a year after coming so close to going to the World Series for the first time since the Mets beat them in 1986, the Red Sox decided it was time to fight fire with fire. They made some important trades, moves, free agent signings and so on to make them competitive with the better team in New York. They even went after A-Rod by offering up Mr. Red Sox  Nomar Garciaparra as trade bait only to have it backfire. But at least they have made an effort to compete to get to the Championship unlike a lot of other teams.
                     
The Yankees had something to offer A-Rod that the Red Sox couldn't... a boyfriend.

Another team that also made huge strides in the off season (but not enough to compete) is Dram's favorite team--the Baltimore Orioles. Over the past 20 or so years, the O's have tried to be the American East by chasing after the best talent or using their farm system only to be disappointed every year.
                            
        Jeffrey Maier steals another chance for the lowly Orioles

They had a chance to get a few good players but decided to overpay the unbearable and oft injured Albert "Joey" Belle some insane amount of money that sent their salary and cash flow down the tubes. Being upset at the Yankees is like being pissed off because you passed on the script for "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and decided to make "Howard the Duck." Then when you realized your mistake, you produce "Parker Lewis Can't Lose."
  =  =

One of Dram's little jokes is that he could play 2nd base for the Yankees since Enrique Wilson blows. Have you seen the 2nd baseman for the Orioles? Jerry Hairston, Jr. or Brian Roberts? You guys would have better luck signing Howard the Duck to play second. In fact, it might be better if the O's just put 8 people on the field and left second open. That way this guy won't get in the way of all of the other team's runners when they pass through on their way to third or home.

        
         Albert Belle and Donald Fehr talk about the latest MLB Union plans.

I've been to a few Oriole games over the past few years and have never seen anything like it. As this team continues to get worse without any legit star power (since Cal Ripken passed up a guy who had a disease named after him to break the consecutive games mark).

At most baseball parks, people are laughing and having fun before they enter. It is almost a circus like atmosphere and everyone is happy. However at Oriole Park at Camden Yards, I saw people trying to avoid going in to the game. They knew the outcome as the home town team would blow a 0-0 tie in the first inning and go down for another defeat.
  
   "I thought you were taking me to a baseball game Daddy, not an Orioles game!"

I've done enough bashing of the Orioles and I haven't even mentioned that the Mets first World Series Championship (1969) came against the O's. Not that I am rubbing that in or anything...

Maybe Dram's blog was not so much of an Orioles fan view as it was a West Coast fan's view. This would make tons of sense. Most of you may already know that a lot of left coasters believe that making a good show is worth as much as winning the whole thing.

 Typical West Coast Baseball team happy with finishing in third place.

Plus, let's face the facts that baseball is better in the East than the West. How else would you explain the number of championships won by East Coast teams vs West Coast teams? How else would you explain why most of the good players in the West come East. Giambi is now a Yankee. Piazza is now a Met. Tejada is now an Oriole. A-Rod is now a Yankee. Pedro is now a Red Sox. And the list goes on and on...
                              
                  One East Coast fans opinion of West Coast baseball

So now I have returned a better opinion of your theory and thought of the Yankees and baseball in general Mr. Dram. I expect some sort of answer but would appreciate it if you would not refer to me as any member of the Dukes of Hazzard or any other similar show to prove whatever point you may have.

EXCLUSIVE BONUS FOR DRAM FANS!

An authentic picture of Dram showing his feelings about the Yankees.    

                   
             Voted the coolest mascot in Major League Baseball
                              
                           Even the Oriole Mascot roots for the Mets

Currently Playing Discraceland By Elvis Hitler see related

Hot Rod To Hell...

SCREWY TIMES! I feel at times that I am at a loss when it comes to words here. I know that a few people are somewhat active in my little blog life (Blondless and Dram) but for the most part the lurkers that come here do just that... LURK!

Maybe it is because I have never just talked about what is up about me... maybe it is because I talk too much about me... maybe it is because it is human nature just to do so... whatever it is, I can't seem to rationalize it for the life of me... I want to hear from you- yeah you, sitting there drinking your Earl Grey tea and wondering if I am sane enough to understand...
                     
                        No Crumpets? What kind of heathen are you?

CONGRATS WILLIAM HUNG!
The poster boy of how my life operates lately has hit the big time... he got a record contract! I don't want to take any credit for pushing our lovable Wm. Hung to the front of the line of American Idol stars but this guy is by far the best thing I have seen on there (well besides some pretty low cut shirts by a few of the cute girls).

Nice going big guy... and remember "She Bang! She Bang!"
                               
                      I am William Hung and I am damn proud to meet you!

FUNNY THOUGHTS
Today I was sitting in a meeting going over lame marketing ideas that I didn't see a start or end to when I started thinking about things that still make me laugh.
                          
             Conceptual liberty taken concerning the boringness of my meetings

I still laugh at the Three Stooges. I chuckle with each eye poke or noggin buster. I roll on the floor as Larry gets a handful of a hair ripped from his already balding scalp. I know it is stupid but it is still funny to me.
                    
                     Cleaning your ears before Q-Tips was very painful

I still laugh when people flip others off. I know this harkens back to my pre-teen days when the "finger" was still that forbidden fruit that would say more to someone than what it means today. Remember when Clyde would flip people off in "Every Which Way But Loose" (or the sequel "Any Which Way You Can)? That was funny... the old lady I showed a picture of this week... humor at its crudest and funniest. Give me a web site of finger flipping and I will laugh for hours until I wet myself.
                
              Cut me off again and I will teach you a lesson buddy!

I laugh at professional wrestling. All the plot twists and gimmicky action only adds to the over entertainment of the kitchy pseudo-sport. I laugh when they try to sell a move or when they stomp their foot on the ground while hitting someone... I laugh when they talk on the mic wondering what catch phrase that will be accepted by the masses... like "candy ass!" God, that is great!
                                
                  According to the script, I am going to kick your candy ass

I still laugh at Chevy Chase movies... give me the Vacation movies along with Caddyshack, Modern Times, Fletch movies and even the hideous Cops and Robbersons. I think he is a genius of the lowest form and I have heard he is a huge ass in real life but he still makes me laugh.
                                      
                         With hair like that, how can't he be considered funny?

I still laugh at South Park and the Simpsons even if the shock value has worn off of these shows... they are still two of the most important cartoons to ever be made and still are funny after all of this time. Who killed Kenny? What will Homer do next? It doesn't matter either way since I know I will be laughing throughout the show even if they are trying to teach me something.
       vs.
       Who wins? We all do... because both shows are doggone funny!

I still tell and laugh at crude dirty jokes. For some reason, those things no matter how bawdy still make me chuckle. I know it is the right thing to do but sometimes the unexpected dirty joke will break up everyone. "Why did Michael Jackson rush to KMart? He had heard that boys pants were half off."
                         
                                Michael's dreams revealed...

I still laugh at farts! Farts are one of the funniest things ever invented... nearly every situation can use a little fart humor.
                        
                            Beans, beans the magical fruit...

I still laugh at the TV show Jackass or anything involving pranks. I don't have the guts to do some of things they do, but I will be damned if I don't laugh at it all.
                            
Kirk couldn't face the fact that he fell for the whopping cushion prank... AGAIN.

I like sick or un-PC humor. Jokes like "Do you know what Elvis would be doing right now if he was alive? Probably kicking at the top of the coffin!" or "It doesn't matter if you win or lose in the Special Olympics because you're still retarded." It is unexpected or just so bottom rung type of humor that makes me giggle with joy.
                                  
                                  Elv-bert has left the building!

I still watch and laugh at any show that promises me goofy outtakes or television flubs. A good football to the groin joke or outtakes from the Newlywed Game "What is the weirdest place you've ever made whoopie? In the ass, Bob..." that is FUNNY STUFF!
       
          Every episode of 21 Jump Street was a TV Blooper

I nearly lose myself when a buddy of mine will be going to the bathroom at a urinal and look at a complete stranger and say "Is it normal to be peeing blood?" He has done it a million times and I still can't get enough of it... the reactions are the greatest!

I know that my humor at times can not be considered sophisticated but I swear it is some of the funniest stuff to ever been said or done. Then again, I might just be a sicko...

SCARY THOUGHTS
As I was writing the above, the most natural thought appeared in my head... what still scares me? I am not really talking about phobias because that is more of Dram's department but scary stuff that scares me for no reason.

Strange noises at night... I hate that. Is it an axe murderer or just the fridge kicking off? I don't know and I am not going to check it out either.
                              
                                     Have axe, will murder!

Dolls... mentioned this before but any doll that has open and closing eyes or talks... not a fan of at all.
                        
                       Evil... just plain evil!

Haunted houses... I am more than 30 years old and still can not go to a haunted house. Too scary for me to think of or for me to go in.
                             
                                        Boo! I am scary... BOO!

Devilish stuff... even though I am fascinated with this and the other things above, the whole devil worshipping and possession thing scares the bejesus out of me... 
            
                 Okay, some devilish stuff doesn't scare me at all... MEOW!

OUIJA Boards... I have played one before and it scared me big time... I know it is trick or at the very least your self-conscience saying something but damned if it still doesn't weird me out in the worst way.
              
                  Am I going to ever meet my soul mate? NO? WTF!

Public Bathrooms... not really scared but I don't like to be seen naked (which is a good thing folks) nor do I like going to the a public john to do my business. I would rather hold it in or find a private bathroom to do my own stuff.
                      
                                EWWWW!

Those are some of the things that scare me crazy like.

BOOTLEG_HERO'S BABE (episode 26)
Last time we looked at a fetish girl and this time we aim more of the girl next door type that is almost the direct opposite of Dita. I know you have seen her before... Eliza Dushku.
 

Appearing in such fan favorites as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bring It On, True Lies and Tru Calling, our half Albanian and Danish hottie has steamed up the screens with her good looks and amazing body. She has that girl next door charm (goody-goody) with the sexiness of the even the most dirty vixen in the world.

Eliza is not only hired for her good looks (which helps) but also her tremendous acting talent that makes her roles more realistic to the point that you forget she is acting. She is a natural and will be shining for years to come.

QUICK FACTS:

Eliza stands 5'5" and still has the teenage charm

She was given the nickname of "Duck Shoot" by Kevin Smith (all around funny guy).

She was raised in a strict Mormon household and continues to live in Utah.

While on location, Eliza takes her bed linen so she feels comfortable. She also surrounds herself with pictures of family and friends.

She always takes the back of her 'director's chair' after a shoot, as a souvenir.

Like what you see? Then you need to VOTE. At the end of the year (2004), I will be crowning the MISS BOOTLEG_HERO'S BABE OF THE YEAR!© It will be your votes that decide who this lucky girl will be. The winner will get a specially crafted MISS BOOTLEG_HERO'S BABE OF THE YEAR© crown.

Currently Playing Dark Side of the Moon 30th Anniversary Edition By Pink Floyd see related

Hello... is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me... is there anyone at home?

this is how I feel... no one even comments anymore.

It was the Miss Piggy boob shot right? I knew it...